Posts (page 2)

Cuttin'

I'm at the shop this week and my barber and I are debating the merits of the movie I, Robot when another customer gets a bit loud.

"Dammit i have been in the barber business for 45 years. Dale [My barber] was in grade school when i was starting my haircutting. So when I say this I know full well of what i speak" (seriously that is how he spoke)

"The Japanese, the Thai and especially the KO-reans have all learned to cut hair. They are driving Black barbers out of business"

ME:Um...I have never seen a korean cut black hair

"Man, you just a youngster. You don't know. They are running us out"

My barber, said to pay him no mind as he was crazy. Considering the shop is named after the barber who is in jail for shooting someone in the buttocks, on two occasions, I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the clientele.

So I wrote the above in 2004, and I now go to a new shop to get my cut and sure enough, there is a Korean guy cuttin' .  I still think that guy was a fruitcake but `i lost my notes on his other grand theories of the World.

Best Party Ever

[This story contains a lot of saucy language]
So, Shannen Doherty used to be on Beverly Hills 90210.

In fact, her last year on the show was my first year on the show.  Since I was the new guy I got to deal with her.  the thing was we got along fine.  I never saw all the shit that people say about her.

I mean I heard about it, sometimes from Shannen herself, but never did she act out in front of me.  Hell I think I was one of the few people that tried to be supportive about Ashley!  I must have been desperate.

Anyway, as a way to celebrate her leaving the show and because it was her birthday, Shannen had a party in Hollywood. She invited me and said I could bring a guest.  Oddly enough, i could not find anyone to go with me.

Anyway it was held in this pretty hip happening bar called the Cave, in Hollywood.  I get there and standing outside is mad paparazzi just waiting for something to happen.  I asked one of the guys if it is always like this and he said, "HELL YEAH!  Shannen is always good for a picture if there is a party involved"

First card

So I am there for maaaaaaaybe 15 minutes making the rounds and this guy standing by the bar picks up a bottle like he is John fuckin Wayne and BREAKS THE THING ON THE BARTOP!  He yells out,"she came with me and that bitch is going home with me man!" and starts waving the thing around.

Look, I watch a lot of TV so I am torn between falling on my ass laughing at seeing the most cliched barfight in the world and waiting for Kung Fu Joe to kick his ass in slow motion.

Instead, three guys that have a combined weight well over a half ton, take this guy down in a muscle ballet, making sure that he gets a bloody nose to remember the event by. I drink my beer and wonder if people will start dancing soon...

Second card

Well that was fun and everyone is having a good time talking about that and what will the show be like next year without Shannen.  Shannen herself shows up about now with her new guy in tow (Rob Weiss, I believe) looking great in a very slit up the everywhere evening gown.  She sees me and says Hi and she is really glad I came.  I thank her for inviting me and tell her she already missed the party-intiating fight.  She tells me that she is glad she wasn't here because someone would have taken a picture and claimed she was fighting and she just wants to have a good time. Remeber this.

The place is packing up and I am seeing all the Hollywood kids having a good time.  i bust out a few moves with a chick that is high enough to clear Kilimanjaro but overall I am just watching.

Suddenly I am violently moved 5 feet to my right as these two lesbian chicks go to war over some other chick that I saw tongueing one of them earlier.  I mean I haven't seen two dudes go at it like this.  Those three Hill giants show up and one of them goes down due to an errant foot to the groinial regions.  By the time they get them apart there is some blood and a few torn clothes. Can this party really get better?

I am giddy as a school boy in the girls locker room.  Shannen comes by muttering about her fucking friends do this every GD party.  I laugh and look forward to the next event.

The Main event

At some point, House of Pain show up with part of Cypress Hill.  You can tell because everyone is buzzing off the contact high from the smoke in the room.  If you have never been to a Cypress concert or hung out in Berkeley you might be lost here.  Just go with it and trust me that it was them.

[This next part is based on interviews conducted by your intrepid blogger over the next year to get to the bottom of this event]

Now it seems that the HoP kids have a little crush on our girl Shannen.  Furthermore they decide that tonight is the night to make that move and the best way to do that is to jack up her boyfriend.

She tells them to lay off and behave and then takes off to deal with some other part of the party.  Meanwhile Danny Boy and the posse escort Mr Weiss outside to talk to him about his intentions toward Shannen.

Suddenly Tori runs into me and asks if I have seen Shannen.

"Yeah she's back by the guns. Why?"

"The House of Pain is kicking Rob's ass"

I would like to say this is one of my fave quotes ever but there is no way to work it into conversations.  That makes me sad.

I, of course, make my way to the door that I just saw her come thru.  I have to say I didn't really see any ass kicking so much as some pushing.  Of course, part of that may have been because of the photogs snapping 100s of pictures.

Suddenly shannen comes blowing past me.

"DAMMIT! STOP FUCKING UP MY PARTY" and she jumps between Rob and Danny Boy, which I bet made Rob happy. Danny Boy starts to push Shannen out of the way to get back to his discussion with Rob, when I witnessed one of the greatest things ever.

Keep in mind, Danny Boy is a big dude and Shannen is like 5-5'2 and maybe 102 pounds with heavy shoes on.

Shannen pulls back and blasts Danny dead in his nose.  I swear I heard a chorus of angels and heavenly light shone upon her.

Danny Boy staggers back and I think he seriously thought about popping her one but by that point everybody was there.  Security, the press, everybody.

it was the best party ever  

Run out and buy a copy of the new adventures of Wyatt and Madara Houston!

Ts01_coverart_SOLICIT

Brian and Matman give Texas Strangers a pretty nice quick review on this week's Secret Identity Podcast and a glowing review on the site itself.

And yes i sent them an email to mention that they forgot my name on the broadcast...twice.  Sorry, mom.

With the impending doom of the OC coming I thought it would be interesting to repost this old Blog from the New Fall Season of the OC.  Also of note are my feelings on Cult Favorite Arrested Development.  I really haven't changed my mind much but I do have to admit that it did get a litte more funny.:

August 23, 2003

Who Knew?

Man I got a lot of feedback on what should have been a throwaway blog.

-Rachel Krinsky and I communicated for the first time in um...18 years (!!!).
-Rachel Galanter also had some comments
-Several people pointed out that the smart move is never to mention ex-crushes and ex-girlfriends in my blog ever again.

Anyway moving on:

Network Fall Preview! It is my favorite time of year. I need to get my TV Guide or I am lost! The Academy of TV Arts & Sciences was kindly (or dumb) enough to actually show me previews of what to expect from this fall, so I will share my thoughts with you.

Overall:

Apparently this year is the year of Hot Chick Detectives in Impractical Shoes. Although Teens who Love Each Other Despite Incredibly Stupid Odds is coming in strong. Radically idiotic Sitcoms are still evergreen but I have hope.

FOX -
Skin-Romeo & Juliet as seen thru porn. An interesting twist as white people are cast as Ethnic Characters. It was so bold I couldn't really hate but there is a character who says OUT LOUD, that he is half Mexican and half Irish. It was like watching one of those plays you see in high school where the really cute black girl is playing Sandra Dee in Grease. You just kinda go with it because you realize that the people who made the thing really couldn't find an alternative. The female RomLead is as shocked as the audience to find out she is Jewish which is actually a funnier scene. My wife hit me to make me stop laughing.

OC-When I first saw this I thought, 8mile meets fresh prince. Having watched two episodes and the preview for the next I now believe that it is the Prisoner meets 90210. This poor kid from the mean streets of Chino is kidnapped by a likeminded lawyer and taken to this secluded "paradise" which on the surface seems ok but underneath are deeply puzzling political games being played. So of course he tries to leave, yet every time he tries to go Plastic creatures drag him back to his fishbowl home. Oh and while they claim that is how they do it in the OC my wife who actually is from Newport doesn't know how she missed all of that growing up there. I am addicted to this show as long as it doesn't air against anything I really want to see.

Stan Hooper-norm MacDonald in a sitcom similar to Newhart. He is this news guy that finds a small town and decides to do his show segments there explore real life in a small town. The big laugh comes when he interviews the owners of the central coffee shop, thinking they are brothers only to have them admit IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BROADCAST (GASP!) that they are a married gay couple. I won't spoil the bigger joke of that scene as it actually got a laugh out of me. If the casting remains consistent this could actually be a decent show

Tru Calling - Eliza Dushku (Faith from Buffy/Angel and the hot rebel Cheerleader in Bring it On) as a psychic morgue attendant who solves crimes, groundhog day style. I am tempted to leave it just like that. I can't decide if this is a good show or not...I am thinking no but Crossing Jordan has an appeal so maybe?

Luis-Guzman (you will know him the second you see him) Blandly offensive comedy about a Latin guy who is the Donut King of Brooklyn. It tries to be South Park but ends up being Tom Arnold.

Ortegas- Mexican family with talk show in house-live improv. I swear I have seen this concept before. I think that kids shows do it a lot. The twist is that the Ortegas are a casted family of funny actors and they are completely improving. To the point that the celebs look a little terrified about not knowing what is coming next. It could be funny with A list or at least b+ celebs as the guest. Kinda a nicer punk'd

Arrested Develoment-rich people poor. I can't even explain this show. Imagine the Carringtons got arrested for all the crap they did and then had to file bankruptcy. I think that is what this show is going for, but it doesn't really seem funny...

Still life - I wrote this down but I don't remember the show. I think it is a midseason replacement, so don't sweat it.

more coming in a bit

TODAY is my birthday.

Where are my presents?

Texas Strangers #1 from Image comics on March 14.

Co-written with Antony "Mostly Black Bart" Johnston

Art by Mario "Deadeye" Boon

Color by Traci "Splendor" Hui

Diamond Order code:  JAN071921

The cover looks like this: